Posted 8 hours ago

parttimeyoutuber:

icantbelieveitsalawblog:

All of human history has led us to the moment that we developed the technology to digitally add a top hat to a photo of an adorable miniature octopus.

Just look at how fucking dapper that octopus looks. Look at it.

Posted 8 hours ago

thefandomtolllbooth:

antoinetriplett:

jolivet:

spaceman-v-spiff:

nescientes:

novacayyn:

carry-on-my-otp:

If Stuntmen from the old movies don’t have your full respect then I just don’t know what to say to you

l tried really hard not to reblog this

Yeah, it is indeed really hard not to reblog a fucking thing.

Can we all agree that the man in the first gif is the manliest man in the world?

Are we just going to all silently acknowledge that the last guy is clearly dead and that we just saw him die. 

HOLD UP FOR A SECOND

ALL OF THESE GIFS ARE ONE MAN

THE SINGULAR BUSTER KEATON

WHILE FILMING THE GENERAL

HE SNAPPED HIS NECK ON THE RAILROAD TIES AND WENT HOME AND ICED HIS BODY

AND CAME BACK FOR WORK THE NEXT DAY

HE ONCE GOT HIS HIP RIPPED OUT OF ITS SOCKET BY A MALFUNCTIONING ELEVATOR AND WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH HIMSELF FOR BEING INJURED

HE ONCE HAD TO FALL 100 FEET DOWN A WATERFALL INTO A NET

A STUNTMAN TESTED IT AND BROKE BOTH LEGS AND DISLOCATED HIS SHOULDER

BUSTER DID THE STUNT ANYWAY AND LANDED WITHOUT A SCRATCH

IN ‘THE HIGH DIVE’

BUSTER DID A TRICK DIVE THROUGH A CARDBOARD DECK THAT WAS CAMOUFLAGED TO LOOK LIKE THE REAL DECK

ONLY HE COULDN’T TELL FROM 100 FEET UP WHERE THE CARDBOARD STOPPED AND THE REAL DECK STARTED AND THERE WAS ONLY LIKE A THREE FOOT MARGIN FOR ERROR

AND WHEN HE HESITATED A SUDDEN BREEZE LITERALLY KNOCKED HIM OFF THE DIVING BOARD AND HE HAD TO JUMP ANYWAY

AND HE MISSED THE REAL DECK BY LESS THAN A FOOT BUT HE MADE IT

IN THE SECOND GIF HE’S RECREATING SOMETHING THAT THE ACTUAL GENERAL PURSUERS HAD TO DO IN THE CIVIL WAR

IF HE MISSES THAT TIE

THE TRAIN WILL BE DERAILED AND HE WILL DIE IN THE EXPLOSION

IN THE THIRD GIF AN ENTIRE HOUSE IS FALLING HE HAS ONE TAKE AND IF HE HAS NOT DONE THE CALCULATIONS CORRECTLY HE WILL BE CRUSHED

HE HAS AN INCH-WIDE MARGIN ON EACH SIDE

AND THE HOUSE LITERALLY BRUSHES HIS LEFT SHOULDER ON THE WAY DOWN

YOU CAN SEE HIS LEFT ARM JUMP BECAUSE HE’S FLINCHING FROM THE PAIN

THAT LAST GIF

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THAT JUMP

HE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL AND THEY HADNT PLANNED FOR IT

BUT HE SURVIVED

BUSTER KEATON SURVIVED 100% OF THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED LESSER MEN INCLUDING WWI, TORNADOS, HOUSEFIRES, ALCOHOLISM, BROKEN NETS, CRUSHING DEPRESSION, THE DEPRESSION ITSELF, THE MCCARTHY WITCHHUNTS, THE END OF SILENT CINEMA, AND ABOUT 900 MORE OF THE STUNTS YOU SEE ABOVE

BUSTER LIVED TO BE 70 YEARS OLD

FATHERED LIKE FOUR KIDS AND EIGHT GRANDKIDS

HE CAME OUT THE OTHER SIDE OF ALL THAT

THINKING THAT LIFE WAS GOOD AND PEOPLE WERE WONDERFUL

BUSTER KEATON IS NOT JUST A STUNTMAN

HE IS A GODDAMN SAINT

BUSTER KEATON’S PARENTS WERE PART OF A TRAVELING SHOW.

THEY WERE ACROBATS.

THEY TOOK BABY BUSTER UP HIGH IN THE AIR WITH THEM.

THEY DROPPED HIM.

LUCKILY SOMEONE WHO WAS STANDING UNDER THEM CAUGHT BABY BUSTER.

THAT MAN WAS HARRY HOUDINI. 

HARRY HOUDINI SAVED BUSTER KEATON’S LIFE.

if you don’t think that’s the coolest shit you can get right out.

Posted 8 hours ago

sharpestrose:

theroguefeminist:

cetaceanhandiwork:

reminder that since ursula is a straight-up shapeshifter, it follows that, if her accustomed form is pear-shaped and visibly aged, it’s because that’s how she likes it

win

Ursula’s design is based on Divine. In a story about voices, she’s quite literally an echo of one that once yelled “I’m so fucking beautiful I can’t stand it myself”. Ursula is exactly who she wants to be. 

Posted 8 hours ago

fasterfood:

"God damn it!" i yell as i stub my toe on a table. suddenly from the sky, i hear god reply "okay". the floor splits open, revealing a pit to hell. god pushes the table down into the pit, and then it seals up. he actually did it. god damned it.

Posted 8 hours ago

galaxypug:

galaxypug:

why does facebook chat only work when my message contains the words Mark Zuckerburg right now

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Posted 8 hours ago

badmooonrising:

prismatic-bell:

stalkingdeerwithhats:

okay but imagine at Fred’s funeral George and Mrs. Weasley are standing together by his coffin

and George is trying so hard not to cry

and in a last-ditch attempt to cope with it in the only way he knows how, using humor, he turns to Mrs. Weasley and says, “you’ll be able to tell us apart now, anyway, Mum”

and then he just breaks down sobbing

NOPE

FUCK YOU

NOPING RIGHT ON OUTTA THIS POST

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Posted 8 hours ago

cybercitrus:

pixelavender:

adriofthedead:

vicemag:

A quick tip for your elevator ride up to the office: grab a piping hot cuppa joe at the corner store and stick an egg in it to make a hard boiled morning snack.

just stick your hands in boiling hot coffee. go on. do it. just shove your fingers on in that blistering hot cuppa joe. throw an egg in there. who gives a shit. eat your god damn coffee eggs like the stupid slobbering idiot that you are

thIS WHOLE FUCKING ARTICLE

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convert your office into a horrible disaster

Posted 8 hours ago
maneth985:

harzilla:

fallen-angel-with-a-shotgun:

dajo42:

if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao

I went to the Renaissance faire dressed as a warrior.  I had a real sword with me, too.  I was standing (in character) next to a sword-fighting ring, where kids of all ages got the chance to pick up a sword and challenge the champion.  Some woman walks by, with her little girl.  The girl starts walking towards the ring, saying she wants to fight.  But the mom pulled her away hella sharply, and was like, “That’s for boys.”  You don’t want to be a BOY, do you?”    And the girl looked around and saw me.  I think she thought I was a boy; I had my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a hood.  So she comes up to me and asks me, “Do you think girls can be fighters, too?”  And her mom looks like she’s silently gloating.  Like she thinks I’m going to say no.  So I take off my hood, untie my hair so that it flows freely, and kneel before her.  And I’m like, “Milady, anyone can be a fighter.”  I swear, the look on that mother’s face made my day.

-

maneth985:

harzilla:

fallen-angel-with-a-shotgun:

dajo42:

if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao

I went to the Renaissance faire dressed as a warrior.  I had a real sword with me, too.  I was standing (in character) next to a sword-fighting ring, where kids of all ages got the chance to pick up a sword and challenge the champion.  Some woman walks by, with her little girl.  The girl starts walking towards the ring, saying she wants to fight.  But the mom pulled her away hella sharply, and was like, “That’s for boys.”  You don’t want to be a BOY, do you?”    And the girl looked around and saw me.  I think she thought I was a boy; I had my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a hood.  So she comes up to me and asks me, “Do you think girls can be fighters, too?”  And her mom looks like she’s silently gloating.  Like she thinks I’m going to say no.  So I take off my hood, untie my hair so that it flows freely, and kneel before her.  And I’m like, “Milady, anyone can be a fighter.”  I swear, the look on that mother’s face made my day.

-

Posted 9 hours ago

lannistershavethephonebox:

icebergshanti:

romulusxeatsxremus:

cozyqueen:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 13

Where is 12?

fuck 12

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Posted 9 hours ago

queen-halenski:

I’m sorry but if you try to tell me there are only three wizard schools in the ENTIRE magical world I will fight you.

I wanna see Indian wizardry schools

Japanese magic schools where the house ghosts have shrines

Schools hidden in sand dunes and enchanted to look like mirages

American schools hidden in Roswell and Salem

Public magical schools for kids that don’t want to leave home for seven years

GIVE ME ALL THE WIZARD SCHOOL HEAD CANONS!

Posted 9 hours ago

cyd-the-cynical:

geekishchic:

He’s looking right at me and I’m emotional right now and need a moment

gotta reblog. always. over 900 years of time and space. never met anyone who wasn’t important.

(Source: dunderklumpen)

Posted 9 hours ago

xistentialangst:

the progression of sherlock holmes - friend status

Love this.

(Source: darlingbenny)

Posted 9 hours ago

Two churches located across the street from each other. At least the Catholics have a sense of humor.

paranoidrobot:

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Posted 9 hours ago

cantwaitforpizza:

cantwaitforpizza:

cantwaitforpizza:

the sun has come out

the sun is gay

*white girl voice* why are the hot ones always gay

(Source: tomsigh)

Posted 9 hours ago

ask-koki-kariya:

lastofthetimeladies:

im-a-timelord-you-ass:

lastofthetimeladies:

lastofthetimeladies:

MY MOM JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANT MY CAKE TO BE FOR MY SPIDER-MAN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I TOLD HER I WANT IT TO BE IN THE SHAPE OF ANDREW GARFIELD’S BUTT AND SHE WAS LIKE “SEND ME SOME PHOTOS I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” OH MY GOD

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

'Scuse me, but may I have a piece of that ass?

Do you know how many times I made that joke at my party

Do you

omfg